Tired

I've been busy with a lot of things the past few months. I hate how school has the power to literally take over my life. I hate how it effortlessly takes away the time I am supposed to be spending with my family, my friends and the things I love the most. I hate that when it comes to school, I have no other choice but to deal with it, BECAUSE IT IS FOR MY FUTURE. The tiring days and sleepless nights seem to have no end.

The anxiety of me not fulfilling my hopes and dreams is what keeps me up at night. The thought of me not becoming a CPA on a well-established firm, pursuing my blogging career by getting featured at concert magazines, and travelling the world doing volunteer missions is just devastating. I need to do everything I wrote on my bucket list and I do not know if school will take me there. I know it is part of the system and I know that I need a degree to do what I love, but come to think of it, is it really necessary to give projects and useless requirements just to learn? I mean I came to school to learn, not to be an emotionless robot that does things whenever and whatever it is told to do. School is not a prison where everyone is thought to think the same and feel the same and to do this and to do that, and you shouldn't do this and you shouldn't do that--but sometimes I feel like I am in one. School shouldn't make me feel this way, school should be the first thing to inspire me when it comes to my education, instead, it just depresses me. Making me think, "AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH"?

Someday all these will pay off. I know they will. Someday I'll graduate and be out of the system as soon as possible. I don't want to be gray, I want to be all the colors I've imagined myself in when I was six. I want to be the person I want to meet. A goal-oriented, well-driven, adventurous yet compassionate successful woman. Funny that after typing that sentence the first image that popped into my head was my mom, I want to be like my mom.

I won't let school put me down. It's hard, but it's not impossible to accomplish. All those exams, the retention grade and the deadlines are just illusions. The real world would be probably way worse than this, or so I was told. But I just need to drop everything for a while. I need some rest from all the chaos.

I'll be fine, I can do this. I just need to take a break. I'll be okay.

RDM
12:05 PM
9 12 15

Let's run away and never look back

You ever wonder why teenagers love doing stupid things? Why they always get caught doing something "bad" and not show any remorse for it? Let me tell you why.

Artists never stopped doing what they love. They didn't die for nothing. They didn't want to be part of something so ordinary. No, fuck that. They wanted to do things that lived up to their passion, to their dreams and goals. Hell, they wanted to live.

So why stop now? Why go with the crowd? Why waste your life waking up at 7 in the morning, knowing that every single day is going to make you feel like complete shit. This is the norm everybody thinks is right for them. "Right" is the thing society invented in order for those teenagers to stop painting too much colors in their world, and start acting like them. And for what? You call having a crappy job that pays the bills living? You call kissing other people's ass just to get money out of it 'living your life'? Fuck your philosophy.

I'm gonna travel, & not only travel by places but by heart and mind and soul. I want to discover myself, see what the world has to offer, and what I can offer back. I want to rotate the same way this planet does, 24 hours a day. I don't want to settle and go to bed in my room smelling like cigarettes and alcohol full of regrets. Shit, I don't even want to go to sleep, or I might miss those things so euphoric it'll change my perception in life.

The way the 10 year old me saw the world full of surprises and mysteries, I want to feel that again. I don't want to let society morph myself into something acceptable for them. Fuck that. The way my mom told me that I can change the world, I want to bring that back, & prove to anyone who laughed at me wrong.

I don't want labels, or numbers, or groups to define me. I am my own person, my own artist. My world, my colors. What I say about myself is how I want to be perceived and nobody has the right to tell me otherwise.

RDM
12:01 AM
4 23 15

Five Day Challenge: Young Blood

Almost

Chlarine M. Gianan

You and I were asymptotes—almost crossing. Almost intersecting. Almost meeting. Almost becoming friends. Almost talking. But we never did.

But one day, those “almost’s” became “did’s.” We did cross paths. Did become friends. Did talk.

I became cautious and wary of you walking into my life because I knew we had never met; I was always remembering you in the back of my mind. You were the constant companion of my first love, my one-time confidant when I liked someone stupidly. You were almost always there for me, but you would get away. You would leave, God knows why.

And then you stayed. You introduced me to a TV show, I introduced you to tea concoctions. It wasn’t hard to relate because you were genuinely kind and we shared this common ground of friends and almost lovers. We belonged to one atmosphere, which made it easier for us to establish a friendship.

It always felt easy to talk to you because I never met you; I was only getting to know you over and over again. I was remembering if you were the same person who, knowing that I had made the—so far—biggest mistake of my life, sent a direct message to me on Twitter to make sure I was okay during my darkest days. I was recalling if you were the same human being who asked me to buy a toy from McDonald’s for his nephew, if you were the almost friend who knew most of my “almost’s” in life.

And yes, you were still that person. But then you became so much more.

There came a time when I almost liked you, and my high school best friend was a witness to that. She told me: “I’m warning you. If your first love’s messy, this one’s messier. Look at the paths you two have gone through. Look at the people you loved. Look at him—he would always almost happen to you. Now he is. But what if one day he stops happening? What if life takes him away?” I tried to listen. I almost wanted to never reply to you anymore, almost wanted to stop talking to you, almost wanted to trash those feelings because I found them stupid.

I almost forgot about the shows, songs, and movies we talked about. The “20 questions” games we never finished. The feeling that at the end of the day, you’d always be the one I wanted to talk to about the food my classmates and I cooked, the jokes my teacher cracked, the books I read, the people I grew fond of, the true friends I made during RSPC.

I almost left you the way my first love trashed me, but I chose not to.

That’s the thing about pain: It may hurt partly because we’re there to experience the aftermath of our decisions and actions, but it does cause a pang in our chest because we choose to feel it. We choose to get hurt along with the choice of risking our heart to love.

I chose you to stay. I chose to like you. I chose you—that’s the bottom line.

You’d almost break my heart every time we wanted to meet up but never did. But then we would.

I almost didn’t feel content during my birthday. I almost believed that my friends deceived me that you’d be there to greet me face to face. But then you actually came.

You, of all people whom I can meet in this world, became mine to be the turner of my “almost’s” into affirmations. You became the “yes” to my “maybe,” the certainty to my doubts. And now we’re friends. Are we almost there? If we are, you ought to know what happens to us and the word “almost”—they can become a resounding “yes.”

Oh, well. Let’s cross the bridge when we’re almost there.

Source: Philippine Daily Inquirer

Five day challenge: Young blood

Young and Passionate

Terence Thomas M. Cosare

I graduated at 21 in March 2014. I received an overwhelming number of phone calls and e-mails from companies inviting me for an interview. I perceived myself as a special fresh graduate going to job fairs with my three-page resumé which I felt would impress those companies: Holder of a degree from a top university, leader of school and community organizations, recipient of a special award from my school.

Thoughts of a promising career (and salary) swam in my head. I felt I was Jordan Belfort walking the streets of Makati and heading to my interviews, dressed in my business shirt, my favorite necktie, dress pants and socks, well-shined shoes. I looked at the tall buildings around me and told myself: “I will be the Wolf of Ayala Avenue.”

Fresh, passionate and excited. I landed a job as a relationship manager in an IT company that sells financial solutions to banks. My job required me to attend meetings and travel around the country to meet bank presidents and CEOs. At times they were in doubt about and occasionally fascinated by the idea that a 21-year-old fresh out of university was speaking to them about their business and educating them on core banking. I felt privileged because I was learning from the people I was meeting and, at the same time, doing a lot of traveling.

After a few months, another company called to express interest in having me. I gave it a try and passed the required interviews. I was promised better compensation, and I saw the product as more appealing to the market—thus, more opportunities for me to close deals and get commissions. I moved to the company and it is where I am today.

I am still excited and burning with passion. In starting my venture with the companies with which I engaged, I learned that the world after school is not as good as I expected it to be. As I started paying bills and giving my monthly share of the household expenses, I realized it could happen that I’d be living from paycheck to paycheck. Before I began working, I thought I could have my dream car within months; seeing the deductions from my salary depressed me.

Also, the corporate world is not as considerate as school. Every report day at work feels like thrice the pressure in math-class recitations and exams. Most of the time I get scolded during pipeline reports. I tend to see my youth and my being a fresh graduate as an excuse for not performing as well as my elder colleagues, but never is it accepted as valid. I perceive myself as a kid in a gentleman’s game or a

blue-chip rookie underperforming.

There are days when I literally have heartache and I feel dumb. The swagger that I had a la Jordan Belfort has been mostly replaced by frustrations and tears.

Still, I am fortunate to have supportive colleagues and friends who help me get through work every day. Also, although there are mostly rough times at work, I still push myself for the sake of my family. My mom has invested so much in me, and I know my father is always confident in and proud of me. I can’t afford to let them down.

Now I am no longer considered a fresh graduate. I am writing this piece to motivate those graduating after me. It is possible for us to land our dream job. But on the other side of this reward is a lot of yelling from your boss and intense pressure. The world after college is a world of wolves, fast and aggressive, wanting to stay ahead and reach their goals. Being young and fresh out of school should never be a reason for us to not perform. We must learn quickly and start working to excel.

As young professionals, we have the advantage of being fresh, excited and passionate. Always take to heart these three essentials; these will move us to continue searching, learning and working. Then we will have no choice but to achieve greatness.

Source: Philippine Daily Inquirer

Finding Yourself

One fine day, it will be your turn. You will leave homes, cities and countries to pursue grander ambitions. You will leave friends, lovers and possibilities for the chance to roam the world and make deeper connections. You will defy your fear of change, hold your head high and do what you once thought was unthinkable; walk away. And it will be scary. At first. But what I hope you'll find in the end is that in leaving, you don't find just love, adventure or freedom. More than anything, you find you.

Essay & Photo: Berlin-artparasites

Advice to Young Women