Tired

I've been busy with a lot of things the past few months. I hate how school has the power to literally take over my life. I hate how it effortlessly takes away the time I am supposed to be spending with my family, my friends and the things I love the most. I hate that when it comes to school, I have no other choice but to deal with it, BECAUSE IT IS FOR MY FUTURE. The tiring days and sleepless nights seem to have no end.

The anxiety of me not fulfilling my hopes and dreams is what keeps me up at night. The thought of me not becoming a CPA on a well-established firm, pursuing my blogging career by getting featured at concert magazines, and travelling the world doing volunteer missions is just devastating. I need to do everything I wrote on my bucket list and I do not know if school will take me there. I know it is part of the system and I know that I need a degree to do what I love, but come to think of it, is it really necessary to give projects and useless requirements just to learn? I mean I came to school to learn, not to be an emotionless robot that does things whenever and whatever it is told to do. School is not a prison where everyone is thought to think the same and feel the same and to do this and to do that, and you shouldn't do this and you shouldn't do that--but sometimes I feel like I am in one. School shouldn't make me feel this way, school should be the first thing to inspire me when it comes to my education, instead, it just depresses me. Making me think, "AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH"?

Someday all these will pay off. I know they will. Someday I'll graduate and be out of the system as soon as possible. I don't want to be gray, I want to be all the colors I've imagined myself in when I was six. I want to be the person I want to meet. A goal-oriented, well-driven, adventurous yet compassionate successful woman. Funny that after typing that sentence the first image that popped into my head was my mom, I want to be like my mom.

I won't let school put me down. It's hard, but it's not impossible to accomplish. All those exams, the retention grade and the deadlines are just illusions. The real world would be probably way worse than this, or so I was told. But I just need to drop everything for a while. I need some rest from all the chaos.

I'll be fine, I can do this. I just need to take a break. I'll be okay.

RDM
12:05 PM
9 12 15

Let's run away and never look back

You ever wonder why teenagers love doing stupid things? Why they always get caught doing something "bad" and not show any remorse for it? Let me tell you why.

Artists never stopped doing what they love. They didn't die for nothing. They didn't want to be part of something so ordinary. No, fuck that. They wanted to do things that lived up to their passion, to their dreams and goals. Hell, they wanted to live.

So why stop now? Why go with the crowd? Why waste your life waking up at 7 in the morning, knowing that every single day is going to make you feel like complete shit. This is the norm everybody thinks is right for them. "Right" is the thing society invented in order for those teenagers to stop painting too much colors in their world, and start acting like them. And for what? You call having a crappy job that pays the bills living? You call kissing other people's ass just to get money out of it 'living your life'? Fuck your philosophy.

I'm gonna travel, & not only travel by places but by heart and mind and soul. I want to discover myself, see what the world has to offer, and what I can offer back. I want to rotate the same way this planet does, 24 hours a day. I don't want to settle and go to bed in my room smelling like cigarettes and alcohol full of regrets. Shit, I don't even want to go to sleep, or I might miss those things so euphoric it'll change my perception in life.

The way the 10 year old me saw the world full of surprises and mysteries, I want to feel that again. I don't want to let society morph myself into something acceptable for them. Fuck that. The way my mom told me that I can change the world, I want to bring that back, & prove to anyone who laughed at me wrong.

I don't want labels, or numbers, or groups to define me. I am my own person, my own artist. My world, my colors. What I say about myself is how I want to be perceived and nobody has the right to tell me otherwise.

RDM
12:01 AM
4 23 15

Finding Yourself

One fine day, it will be your turn. You will leave homes, cities and countries to pursue grander ambitions. You will leave friends, lovers and possibilities for the chance to roam the world and make deeper connections. You will defy your fear of change, hold your head high and do what you once thought was unthinkable; walk away. And it will be scary. At first. But what I hope you'll find in the end is that in leaving, you don't find just love, adventure or freedom. More than anything, you find you.

Essay & Photo: Berlin-artparasites

Inspired & Blessed

Good night Talks

-Angelina Jolie

-Paulo Coehlo

Life Mantra

Source: berlin-artparasites

Source: poems porn

Notes to Self