Wednesday, April 22, 2020

Black & White




"One fine day, it will be your turn. You will leave homes, cities, and countries to pursue grander ambitions. You will leave friends, lovers, and possibilities for the chance to roam the world and make deeper connections. You will defy your fear of change, hold your head high and do what you once thought was unthinkable:walk away. And it will be scary. At first. 
But what I hope you'll find in the end is that in leaving, 
you don't just find love, adventure or freedom. 
More than anything, you find you".

P.S.: May you also find peace in reading my blog x

Sunday, September 20, 2015

--


Last September 19, 2015, I, together with some of my block mates went to visit the National Arts Gallery in Manila. At first sight of the façade of the building, I was astonished. Besides the fact that it is my first time seeing the place up close—because I only normally see the venue in pictures online or just in history books—the National Museum was so much more than what I had anticipated. As we entered the building, the ambiance that I first thought of is that it was classy and similar to that of a mansion. There were chandeliers and the reception crew was very welcoming. We left our bags upfront, paid for the entrance fee and went on with the tour. For the reason that most of us were first timers, we didn’t know where to start. It was overwhelming to see numerous rooms and having that excitement made us amped up to explore. Of course, we had to stick with the objective, which was to complete the requirement. We approached the receptionist and asked for help in order for us to know the specific rooms or floors we were required to visit. Once we got what we needed, we began the tour ourselves, most of our block mates split up into groups. The first room that we visited was of course the one near the lobby, although it wasn’t part of the required rooms to visit. It had a sculpture of this enchanting angel that caught our eyes. Behind it were two paintings, the remarkable ‘Spoliarium’ by Juan Luna and ‘El Asesinato Del Gobernador Bustamante’ by Felix Resurreccion Hidalgo. Proceeding to the upper floor, we continued to the Pillars of Philippine Modernism. We saw artworks made by Manuel Rodriguez Sr., Juvenal Sanso and Galo Ocampo, Jose Alcantara and the well-known national artist Napoleon Abueva. But the one painting that caught my attention was the masterpiece made by Diosdado M. Lorenzo entitled “Landscape” (1966). Medium used was oil on board and its dimensions are approximately 18 inches in height.

            This painting brought me hedonistic pleasure. The first time I saw it I was captivated by how the colors were so inviting and it was pleasing to the eyes. Honestly I was tempted to touch the artwork, my block mates only prevented me from doing it because it was prohibited. The thing that sent me that temptation was because the painting looked 3-dimensional because of the thickness of the overlapping paint. You can see the strokes of the paint brush and how heavy or light it was damped on the board.  The colors were bright and dark at the same time and it created harmony within the masterpiece. One thing I loved the most and probably the reason why it brought me hedonistic pleasure was because it was so realistic, it made me agree through the way it depicted its message. The feeling I get whenever I stare at nature was the same feeling I felt when I looked at this painting. You can imagine the simplicity of the artist and the art itself.  It was positively relaxing. Even my block mates were attracted to this painting.
            As we proceeded with the tour, we went through this hallway that had a special gallery exhibition. Although still it wasn’t part of the required rooms to be visited, I was intrigued with one special artwork. It was by Arturo Rogelio Cruz and was entitled “Departure” and “Arrival”. It was honestly one of the most unique artworks I’ve seen in the museum because it did not resemble that of a painting. The material used was acrylic on burlap. There was also a story behind it which made the art more interesting. We then visited the GSIS collections in the northwest hall, which showcased most of the artworks made by Vicente S. Manansala. Other artworks were also featured in that collection but the one I loved the most was entitled “Sunset in Intramuros” (1979).

            This art piece was made by Federico Aguilar-Alcuaz, with oil on board used as a material, however, its dimensions weren’t provided. This masterpiece gave me an aesthetic feeling. Although I did not grew up being familiar with the sights of Intramuros, it made me feel one thing, reminiscence. This painting was made a long time ago, if I were given the chance to go back in time and see if Intramuros really did looked that breathtaking, I’d take it. It was beautiful because it was inviting to the audience. The way the sky was painted over the city made it warm. The lights coming from the lamp posts really did made me feel like I wanted to go there and see it for myself. From a distance, the way the colors were shaded at the bottom part of the painting made it look like it had a vignette effect. It was beautiful because the elements were blended really well, it had no purpose or any objective to deliver, it was just there. The view of Intramuros was present and it made me want to appreciate it.
            As we continued on with the tour, it was already around lunchtime, and frankly all I could think of was food. But as we approached the Social and Political Commentary After the 1970s section, I thought this tour will make the wait more worth it. This particular painting literally captured of what I thought was the most emotional message anyone could relate to. This painting called “Bondage” (1993) was made by Papo de Asis who used oil on canvas as material. It’s dimensions also weren’t provided.

            This painting to me kind of features a man, being locked up or enslaved by something much more powerful than him, and to me that was the society and its limitless control over anybody who belongs in it. There’s somehow a death persona who is riding a horse in the left part of the image and a woman on the other. Based on how I understood the image, the woman was the significant other of the man, and death took him away and locked him into this sculpture. Just like what society does to every human being, being limited by rules and powerless over the people who run the system. This gave me an emotive perspective on how I should look at the painting. The artist had the ability to make the audience feel what the man was feeling in the picture, and that is the feeling of being trapped. Maybe the artist was feeling this way when he was making the artwork. Or maybe he was able to imagine how the artwork would influence the audience and make them feel what was expressed in his art. The painting was expressive of the feeling of being locked up, without having the capacity to escape and your only fate was death. That was what I felt in appreciating the painting. Just by looking at the art itself, you forget about anything else and just tend to focus on what was inside the image.
            Near the conclusion of the tour, there’s this one artwork left that truly captivated my attention. It was made by one of the artists who I heard was known for capturing the harshest realities in our country today. It was entitled “Piping Tagulaylay” (1983) by Antipas Delotavo.

            The material used in this painting was oil on canvas as well, unfortunately, the dimensions weren’t also provided. At first I was intrigued of the title because I wasn’t aware of the meaning of the word “Tagulaylay”, so I googled it. It meant monotonous singing. I came upon the conclusion that Piping Tagulaylay meant the silent monotonous singing of the Filipino society. The colors, which were mostly toned down in in terms of hue showed the dullness and how plain living was. To me it meant that the singing meant here was how the lifestyle of the Filipinos, especially those who experience poverty and mediocrity, had no color or excitement. There was no happiness, no sadness, just the neutrality of the image. It made me open my eyes and understand the reality of this image and every day I see it with my own eyes. I was able to formulate my own opinion because of the reality depicted in this artwork. It was cognitive in a helpful way because it made me open my eyes to the real state and situation of the Filipino society.
            As we were leaving the venue, even though most of us were starving already, the thought of missing just one room of the museum made me think of coming back soon. Sure it wasn’t as exciting and as fun as going to the mall or going to the amusement part with my friends, but going to the museum taught me one thing. Being at peace with the silence and just getting the chance and time to explore every artwork in the museum made me appreciate more the simple things in life. Most of the images captured in the paintings were the minimalist scenes depicted in reality, like the traditional bahay kubo or even just the scenery of a big city. These simplest things in life inspired the artists to create and express their feelings and get their imagination to work.
            Hedonistic, emotive, cognitive or even aesthetic, those paintings were able to capture the audience in their own ways. You tend to forget the chaos outside the museum, and just focus on what were in there. We may have different preferences, but any art has a value of its own. I salute the artists who lived through their passion regardless of what the society thought about them. They inspire me to do the same as well.

            All in all the tour was much more than what I was expecting. I thought it was just going to be a plain old field trip but it wasn’t. I learned a lot and was able to apply the lessons I’ve learned in this course. One thing I learned and thought that it would be worth sharing in this narrative is that, different artists have different styles in creating different artworks. Although some artworks still belonged in the same category, they were still diverse and beautiful in their own ways. The ability of the painting to just hang on the walls and capture the attention of the audience is unbelievable, no words, no music, just the painting itself. A single image, along with elements combined in a creative way, can truly tell a thousand words. Most of the artists featured in the museum already passed away, but their legacy lives on through their masterpieces, and that is something you cannot take away from the power of art. 

*this was only a draft of the travelogue I made for my Philosophy class, still pretty raw but I guess it was still worth sharing

Friday, September 11, 2015

Tired

I've been busy with a lot of things the past few months. I hate how school has the power to literally take over my life. I hate how it effortlessly takes away the time I am supposed to be spending with my family, my friends and the things I love the most. I hate that when it comes to school, I have no other choice but to deal with it, BECAUSE IT IS FOR MY FUTURE. The tiring days and sleepless nights seem to have no end.

The anxiety of me not fulfilling my hopes and dreams is what keeps me up at night. The thought of me not becoming a CPA on a well-established firm, pursuing my blogging career by getting featured at concert magazines, and travelling the world doing volunteer missions is just devastating. I need to do everything I wrote on my bucket list and I do not know if school will take me there. I know it is part of the system and I know that I need a degree to do what I love, but come to think of it, is it really necessary to give projects and useless requirements just to learn? I mean I came to school to learn, not to be an emotionless robot that does things whenever and whatever it is told to do. School is not a prison where everyone is thought to think the same and feel the same and to do this and to do that, and you shouldn't do this and you shouldn't do that--but sometimes I feel like I am in one. School shouldn't make me feel this way, school should be the first thing to inspire me when it comes to my education, instead, it just depresses me. Making me think, "AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH"?

Someday all these will pay off. I know they will. Someday I'll graduate and be out of the system as soon as possible. I don't want to be gray, I want to be all the colors I've imagined myself in when I was six. I want to be the person I want to meet. A goal-oriented, well-driven, adventurous yet compassionate successful woman. Funny that after typing that sentence the first image that popped into my head was my mom, I want to be like my mom.

I won't let school put me down. It's hard, but it's not impossible to accomplish. All those exams, the retention grade and the deadlines are just illusions. The real world would be probably way worse than this, or so I was told. But I just need to drop everything for a while. I need some rest from all the chaos.

I'll be fine, I can do this. I just need to take a break. I'll be okay.


RDM
12:05 PM
9 12 15

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

10 reasons why I told myself not to trust you, but you proved me wrong anyway

1. Serious-minded
Six or seven years of knowing you, this side of yours just never failed to find it's way of pissing me off every, single, time. Something fun comes up, you're always there to burst the bubble. Giving "us" a third shot was not on my priority list four years ago. You were always serious, always focusing on the reality, always on the negative. Yet look at me now, coming back to you like a magnet that is helplessly attracted to a shiny metal plate. The fact that you have always been so serious when it comes to our relationship, never failed to make me feel safe every, single, time. I always questioned myself if I really deserved that kind of security from you. I guess I am still finding the right answer until now. And for that, thank you.

2. Timid
For a guy who's not a basketball player, and says that he's way out of my league, being timid cannot be denied on this one. You told me before that if you compared yourself to my past boyfriends, you'd never really fit to the standards. And you asked me why I settled with you. Well my answer is this, you may not be a 6 footer basketball player body builder junkie in other people's eyes, but to me you're way more than that. Out of all those boys I've dated, you're the only one who knew that the only solution to my problems is one box of chili beef yumpanadas. You're the only guy who discovered my bipolar love for lesbians, hence, orange is the new black. You're the person, literally the only person, who gave me a bouquet made out of bacon. And for that, thank you.

3. Superficial
I guess you got this trait growing up in an environment with such different philosophies with mine. This was our latest struggle as a couple. We just couldn't agree. I told myself that if it's not in your vocabulary to respect my views as a person then I should end it. It took me three sleepless nights, a bottle of alcohol and a box of cigarettes, before we made up, and believe me it was torture. That was the only way I know to get through our problem. You being superficial, I just had to accept it. The same way you accepted mine. Even though it was way beyond your understanding, we got through. And for that, thank you. 

4. Immature
This I'm sure I cannot get rid of. We had our bad days and the good. But nothing compares to putting up with your silly knock knock jokes that made me question and reevaluate my life choices. Our past two relationships ended mainly because of this reason. You were just too immature, or maybe I was too. You get mad over the smallest issues that weren't supposed to be there in the first place. But now I find it's purpose. Your trait always turns my day around. I'm bored, you tell me a joke. I'm on my period, you tell me jokes about my menstrual cycle. I'm mad at you, you think of the corniest joke that ever existed just to make me laugh and avoid the argument. And for that, thank you.

5. Impatient
I think this is the most accurate way of describing you in one word. You are so impatient about everything. Specifically when we have to go out and you suddenly get strict about what time are we going to leave. You get pissed when I do not comply with your "time is gold" bullcrap. But there are other things that make you adorable when your patience runs out. A: When we haven't "porked" in a couple of weeks. B: When you haven't watched porn in a couple of days. C: When I haven't replied to your message in a couple of hours. I know I told you I hate the clingy type, but I'm thinking of changing my mind after six months of being in a weird relationship with you. And for that, thank you. 

6. Tightfisted
I mean just because you have a Chinese surname does not mean you have to live up to it. My past relationships included boys with Chinese surnames too and they were also as tightfisted as you. They all did not worked out, so I said to myself, why bother risking it again with you? I found a counter-statement. You were tightfisted about some things, but definitely not the attention you showered me with. You were always there, whatever the scenario is. And for that, thank you. 

7. You always speak your mind
Unlike other guys, you have your own philosophy. It may not go along well with the norm, which obviously sets you apart from the typical guys. At first I was threatened. I was always used to being the dominant one in the relationship. I was always told that I should be the one doing the thinking. In this case, it was different. Although you told me that you wouldn't limit my habits nor my views, even though it contradicted with yours. I loved the way that even though we speak from different POVs, we always tend to meet in the middle. You speak, yet you listen, and we compromise. And for that, thank you. 

8. Self-conscious 
(See "timid") Forget the insecurities. You managed to put up with me, when other people didn't. You were able to dig into my five layers of loath, anger, mistrust, hatred and self-doubt. If I were you I would consider that a lifetime achievement. You've done enough. And for that, thank you.

9. Stubborn
You. Are. So. Stubborn. You refuse to change your mind and stick with your values. At first I found it hard to keep up with a guy like you. Like I said, you were different. Probably that's why I picked you. I found a guy worth keeping because he has his own standards. Hopefully I fit right into his, just like he fits right into mine. I just wanted to let you know that whoever you are now, I am willing to accept it. And if you ever make changes to yourself, I will willingly support them. And whatever choice you make in the future, I got your back 100 percent. I'm pretty sure you'd do the same for me. And for that, thank you. 

10. Hard headed
(See "stubborn") This is pretty much why I never get bored with you. I told you before that I easily get tired with my past boyfriends who did nothing but the cliche stuff. You got nervous and I told you, you were stupid enough to think that it might happen to us too. I said it once and I'm saying it again, no matter how many times we give this thing a chance and get back together again, I will never get tired of you. I hope you will never get tired of me too. You are the most hard headed person I know, (except my dogs who are way more hard headed than you), and for that, thank you. 


"If I could put all my past lovers and every single person who's ever hurt me in a single room, I would run to you over and over again. If I had someone to break my heart all the times they've dented mine, I would choose you to set it on fire and shatter it every time. I would choose you the moment I open my eyes and I would choose you when the alcohol is in my system. I choose you the moment the melatonin knocks me out and I choose you when I am lonely on a rainy day. I choose you when I am frustrated in a research paper and I choose you when I need to bawl over the death of my favorite characters. I will always choose you. And I will still choose you even when you don't choose me" 


Sunday, April 26, 2015

Friday, April 24, 2015

appreciate the little things

One thing I love the most about random days is that they make you feel nostalgic. They make you realize how you have been ungrateful for the things you had, you have, and will get a hold of in the future. The "contentment" that you have been craving for? That'll never come. As long as there's something you're not afraid to lose, and desperate to have, that thing you call "contentment" is as good as gone.

You might as well hit your face with a brick if you think that a lavish, materialistic life is all you need. It's nice to have high ambitions and goals that you're heading for & working hard for, but is that really all there is? Imagine yourself in a high rise condominium hotel, with a kick ass job that you love that offers good money and pays the bills. But there's nobody else with you. Imagine.

Now I want you to forget that image & think of that one thing you really want, that money cannot buy. Think of that one person (or more if you prefer) that you want to share it with. To thank them for everything they've done to you that made you the person that you are today, and the individual that you strive to be. Imagine their faces, imagine the warmth it gives you. Isn't that nicer?

Getting to spend my Grandpa's 80th birthday today made me thought of this. I don't need to spoil myself with material things. Material things will never fill the gap that is meant for family, and the relationships that go with it. An Iphone does not have the ability to make you feel a mother's hug whenever you miss her. A laptop will never cry nor laugh with you whenever you share something happening in your life.

These are the things that are meant to stay in our minds whenever we are too busy in reaching our aspirations. No matter how crazy or how pretentious it may seem, it's nice to keep your head above the clouds, but your feet placed firmly on the ground. Day by day these little things are what keep us home. They make us stay true to ourselves & who we really are. Never forget to appreciate them.




Thursday, April 23, 2015

Manila International Auto Show // April 12

The last time I went to a car show was two months ago. You could just imagine how anxious I was to attend this much awaited event for car lovers (like me). The crowded exhibits, heavy road traffic, and breathing difficulties caused by the harsh heat had no power stopping me from rushing my ass off just to buy a ticket and enjoy this annual event.

I took lots of pictures, but I'm gonna show you my favorites. I am going to keep my descriptions discrete, because this is going to be a long blog post. Brace yourselves.

My best choice to start this off was the classic cars. Who doesn't love classics?







One of my favorite exhibits from the show was this one whole tent dedicated to miniature cars! Complete with detailed features made and accomplished to perfection. 


I mean, how often do you see a miniature Range Rover and Hummer in real everyday life?





One that really caught my attention was this Bugatti Veyron. And how it's basically made.



I also fell in love with this Fast & Furious exhibit! The cars that were used in the whole movie franchise were also made into miniature cars. I'd love to get my hands on them someday.




As a natural lover of coupe models like Toyota 86 and Hyundai Genesis, I give you these:




Ford Mustang GT. In all it's glory.


I obviously wouldn't miss a photo op:









Now I saved the best for last. Super cars at its finest.




For more photos: 




These walls weren't meant to keep people out

Did you ever experience something that made you feel less worthy? Something that made you cry at 3 in the morning questioning yourself why are you the way that you are? Or even blaming that one thing you did 3 years ago on a Monday afternoon and wishing that if you could just turn back time you would do the exact opposite? You ever meet that person, that time bomb, that completely and tremendously turned your world upside down? I did.

The last time I let my guard down for something was out of love, out of the rational thing, out of my league. He came to me so fast that he crashed into me like waves. He was uncontrollable, yet pleasing to the eyes. His words were sweet, like any other teenage girl would describe them. His actions made me melt, and I gave in so quickly I had no other choice but to go with it. I was in love, or at least I thought I was.

3 years later I look at that moment as a scar. Like something that I would never do, ever again. It was intensely traumatic that it changed the way I see the world. I built up these walls not to keep people out, but to keep me safe. Everything was at peace, and the thought of bringing those walls down, never came into my mind, not even once. I was in control of everything. I was above everything, & I liked the view from the top.

Little did I know that these walls that were supposed to keep me safe, isolated me from the wonders that I have yet to experience. I thought I had it all. Gambling with affection and the lies that came with it. The sense of dominance I had when I was leading people on. Those nights of endless numbness, that I thought was strength. I was insane to think that that was the way I was supposed to see the world. Wrong was an understatement.

This guy came, no, this knight came, destroying my walls down. It was petrifying, but it somehow soothed the crying girl inside me. The first time the light touched the ground I was terrified. "Fuck, you ruined everything." But as soon as the light scattered on those shattered pieces, I realized how beautiful it was. He made me realize my self-worth. I fell in love, not with him, but with the way I see the world whenever he's around. 

He was another time bomb. But this time, I was willing to take the risk of him exploding in my arms. And when you find that certain person, whether it be a knight or a king, never let him go. 



RDM
12:04 AM
4 24 15



Wednesday, April 22, 2015

--





April 18-19, 2015
Goldland Millenia Suites
Ortigas Center
Pasig, Metro Manila

Update: Euphony


1. English Girls
2. Miles Away
3. (Un)Lost
4. Am I Pretty?
5. Same Suit, Different Tie

Let's run away and never look back

You ever wonder why teenagers love doing stupid things? Why they always get caught doing something "bad" and not show any remorse for it? Let me tell you why.

Artists never stopped doing what they love. They didn't die for nothing. They didn't want to be part of something so ordinary. No, fuck that. They wanted to do things that lived up to their passion, to their dreams and goals. Hell, they wanted to live.

So why stop now? Why go with the crowd? Why waste your life waking up at 7 in the morning, knowing that every single day is going to make you feel like complete shit. This is the norm everybody thinks is right for them. "Right" is the thing society invented in order for those teenagers to stop painting too much colors in their world, and start acting like them. And for what? You call having a crappy job that pays the bills living? You call kissing other people's ass just to get money out of it 'living your life'? Fuck your philosophy.

I'm gonna travel, & not only travel by places but by heart and mind and soul. I want to discover myself, see what the world has to offer, and what I can offer back. I want to rotate the same way this planet does, 24 hours a day. I don't want to settle and go to bed in my room smelling like cigarettes and alcohol full of regrets. Shit, I don't even want to go to sleep, or I might miss those things so euphoric it'll change my perception in life.

The way the 10 year old me saw the world full of surprises and mysteries, I want to feel that again. I don't want to let society morph myself into something acceptable for them. Fuck that. The way my mom told me that I can change the world, I want to bring that back, & prove to anyone who laughed at me wrong.

I don't want labels, or numbers, or groups to define me. I am my own person, my own artist. My world, my colors. What I say about myself is how I want to be perceived and nobody has the right to tell me otherwise.



RDM
12:01 AM
4 23 15